Birth Story Sharer Gifts

“It's a healthy baby boy. And, wow, the mouth on your wife …”

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

" 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation,' a treatment by Todd Mozelle, Grade Three."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"Hurray! I just got born!"

"And then, suddenly, it was 3 P.M., and she hadn't really got anything done."

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

Wanna talk about it?

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

"Slow down. This stuff is gold, I’m tellin’ ya! Gold!"

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

Ingredients: me

'Kid, would you please keep your head down! I can't see where I'm going...'

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

Share your blessings - give to Toys for Tots, Salvation Army, Food Shelves.

"What I did during my summer vacation with my mom's 1,000 free minutes..."

Types of online-ing

Tiny bird emerges from giant egg.

Popeye in the maternity waiting room "It's a buoy"

'So tell me more about your mother...'

"No! How would it look if I listed a CAT as a friend on my social media page?"

'My labor with Jenna was a snap...'

"When I was 5 years old, I put all my money in a pickle jar. Of course, my money was soggy and the pickles tasted funny."

"Tell me again, how when I was born, how you passed out and the doctors left Mommy alone to revive you."

"It's a boy, so far... check back later!"

"Hi. First time, long time. Second marriage, second mortgage. Forty years old, forty pounds overweight. No question - I just like talking about myself."

'I hope you find something that's worth complaining to my friends about.'

'Ta-da: Birth notices as usual!'

'You should've been here last night -- a priest, a rabbi, and a minister walked in.'