Birth Story Sharer Gifts

“It's a healthy baby boy. And, wow, the mouth on your wife …”

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

" 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation,' a treatment by Todd Mozelle, Grade Three."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

Wanna talk about it?

"Hurray! I just got born!"

"And then, suddenly, it was 3 P.M., and she hadn't really got anything done."

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

"Slow down. This stuff is gold, I’m tellin’ ya! Gold!"

Ingredients: me

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

"What I did during my summer vacation with my mom's 1,000 free minutes..."

'Kid, would you please keep your head down! I can't see where I'm going...'

"When I was 5 years old, I put all my money in a pickle jar. Of course, my money was soggy and the pickles tasted funny."

"Tell me again, how when I was born, how you passed out and the doctors left Mommy alone to revive you."

Types of online-ing

Popeye in the maternity waiting room "It's a buoy"

'So tell me more about your mother...'

Tiny bird emerges from giant egg.

"No! How would it look if I listed a CAT as a friend on my social media page?"

"It's a boy, so far... check back later!"

'I hope you find something that's worth complaining to my friends about.'

'Ta-da: Birth notices as usual!'

'You should've been here last night -- a priest, a rabbi, and a minister walked in.'

"A funny thing happened to me at work today..."