Birthing Stories Pillows

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

Cry babies.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

Baby Hairstyles.

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

Maternity Ward

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

"Which one's yours?"

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

Open other end

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"Which one is yours?"

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

In the club.

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

Maternity Hospital

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"Have I managed to get rid of the dummy yet? No, he's still with me."