Birth Story Enthusiast Pillows

"Tell me again, how when I was born, how you passed out and the doctors left Mommy alone to revive you."

"...And this is my birth partner."

Ingredients: me

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Whoa

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Hey, big deal! We're all new kids on the block!'

Maternity Ward

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

'How many fingers do you see?'

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Uterus: One size fits all.

Bouncing baby

'We got Spot and Fluffy when it rained cats and dogs. You came in a baby shower.'

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

Maternity Hospital

'You're up the duff with a bun in the oven.'

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

Giving Birth