Birth Story Enthusiasts Pillows

"This must be my transition team."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Whoa

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

Uterus: One size fits all.

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

Bouncing baby

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

'We got Spot and Fluffy when it rained cats and dogs. You came in a baby shower.'

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

"It's from HQ, they're replacing me with a younger man!"

"So, what was the first word uttered?"

"...We said a natural birth, not a naturist birth!"

“It's a healthy baby boy. And, wow, the mouth on your wife …”

Womb for Kids

Baby restaurant

'What? Didn't your parents ever tell you who delivers babies???'

"They're expecting their first baby by surrogate mother!"

"Everyone's waiting to have babies, so I had to pick up a side gig."

Pregnancy

'My parents didn't want me to get left behind.'

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

"Yeah, those first few minutes...nothing but a lot of slap and tickle!"

"Don't forget...there are no guarantees, no returns, and no compensation!"

Ingredients: me

'My god, he's insane.'

'Sign here.'

Stork Swinging Baby.

Sign on the maternity ward door reads 'Push, push, push.'