Childbirth Aficionados Pillows

"Yeah, those first few minutes...nothing but a lot of slap and tickle!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

'Boy, if you'd just stop roaming around, it would be easier to find you...'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

Maternity Ward

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

Uterus: One size fits all.

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

'How many fingers do you see?'

Bouncing baby

In the club.

Maternity Hospital

'We got Spot and Fluffy when it rained cats and dogs. You came in a baby shower.'

Giving Birth

'You're up the duff with a bun in the oven.'

"So, what was the first word uttered?"

"It's from HQ, they're replacing me with a younger man!"