Childbirth Aficionados Gifts

"Yeah, those first few minutes...nothing but a lot of slap and tickle!"

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

'Boy, if you'd just stop roaming around, it would be easier to find you...'

Whoa

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Maternity Ward

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

'How many fingers do you see?'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Uterus: One size fits all.

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

Bouncing baby

In the club.

'You're up the duff with a bun in the oven.'

Maternity Hospital

Giving Birth

'We got Spot and Fluffy when it rained cats and dogs. You came in a baby shower.'

"So, what was the first word uttered?"