Birth Book Enthusiasts Pillows

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

Whoa

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Uterus: One size fits all.

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

Bouncing baby

'We got Spot and Fluffy when it rained cats and dogs. You came in a baby shower.'

My child is a genius.

She never said "Da-da." She went right to "data."

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

"It's from HQ, they're replacing me with a younger man!"

Baby restaurant

“It's a healthy baby boy. And, wow, the mouth on your wife …”

"Oh, it's not a baby book, it's his memoirs."

Womb for Kids

'What? Didn't your parents ever tell you who delivers babies???'

"Everyone's waiting to have babies, so I had to pick up a side gig."

"They're expecting their first baby by surrogate mother!"

Pregnancy

'My parents didn't want me to get left behind.'

The baby born with a middle-aged brain. Darn it, I left the womb to get something … Now, what was it?

"Yeah, those first few minutes...nothing but a lot of slap and tickle!"

"Don't forget...there are no guarantees, no returns, and no compensation!"

Ingredients: me

Baby's first horror movies

'My god, he's insane.'

Stork Swinging Baby.

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'more pain relief....for me!'