New Parent Gift Pillows

"I think I have diaper rash...whoever is responsible for this I'll sue when I grow up."

City Zoo: Day Care

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

A young Don King

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

Cry babies.

The Baby Walker

baby sweetcorn...

'I told you it would be useful.'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'Ahhh...'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Interior design trends for parents....

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

A mother and baby elephant