New Parent Pride Pillows

"Yes! I hit a triple. Woo-hoo."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

City Zoo: Day Care

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

A young Don King

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

Cry babies.

'I told you it would be useful.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

baby sweetcorn...

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

'Ahhh...'

The Baby Walker

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Interior design trends for parents....

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Impressing dad.

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

A Communal Breakfast for the Young