Newborn Care Pillows

New dad.

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

GPS stork delivery

'We strongly recommend you buy the service plan.'

Maternity Ward - 'I wonder if he'll ever leave home...'

'There are four reasons for him to cry...he's hungry, he's wet, a pin is sticking him, or he wants to wake you up from a sound sleep.'

"I couldn't find the off switch."

Baby Clothes.

Tired parents

"Ugh. I've been on hold for 20 minutes..."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"My grandchild deserves a good stroller, but this thing costs more than my first car!"

" ... and look at that grip, Daddy!"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"The midwife said that lots of babies are hirsute."

Baby Shower.

Baby Shower.

"Same old same old. How about you?"

This way up Babygro.

'This is a rarity in today's world. No corporate sponsorship signs in here.'

'...and so begins the generation gap.'

"Where's Waldo Jr.?"

Doughboy Dad

"I'm looking for a rattle that both informs and entertains."

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

"I own you."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"His first out-of-body experience."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.