Newborn Caregiver Pillows

"The midwife said that lots of babies are hirsute."

"His first out-of-body experience."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

A midwife holding a baby

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'The child is very illogical'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Same old same old. How about you?"

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

Botany Baby!

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

'Hm-m-m - it sleeps most of the time. I think it must be some kind of cat.'

Doughboy Dad

Baby Screen Time

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

"Congratulations—It's a well dressed boy."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"Yeah, I'm still scared of it too, but the worst part is that it seems to be GROWING...."

Mum and the Sleepless Baby

Jonathan was so sleep deprived after the arrival of his baby that he accidentally burped a workmate.

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

'Guess who's teething?'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"Should we keep the receipt in case of returns."

Bedtime story.