Newborn Caretakers Pillows

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

A midwife holding a baby

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Same old same old. How about you?"

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

Doughboy Dad

"She's a miniature."

'They sure have small litters.'

Juniors Baby Sitting Service.

Jonathan was so sleep deprived after the arrival of his baby that he accidentally burped a workmate.

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"Which one's yours?"

Help me!

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Mime Baby

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

Dog Food

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Daisy Diaper Service

'This is a rarity in today's world. No corporate sponsorship signs in here.'

"So much for 'sleeping like a baby.'"

Maternity tattoos

"No, they didn't live happily ever after, but they fared pretty well relative to every other miserable slop in the Dark Ages."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."