Newborn Caretakers Gifts

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

A midwife holding a baby

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Same old same old. How about you?"

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

Doughboy Dad

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"She's a miniature."

'They sure have small litters.'

Juniors Baby Sitting Service.

Jonathan was so sleep deprived after the arrival of his baby that he accidentally burped a workmate.

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Mime Baby

Help me!

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

With Wally the hermit crab showing no signs of life, Shirley yields to her kids' pleas and performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

"It's a good boy!"

"Which one's yours?"

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

Dog Food

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"So much for 'sleeping like a baby.'"

Maternity tattoos

'This is a rarity in today's world. No corporate sponsorship signs in here.'

"No, they didn't live happily ever after, but they fared pretty well relative to every other miserable slop in the Dark Ages."

Daisy Diaper Service