Newborn Nanny Gifts

'We've got it narrowed down to between three and twenty-three pounds.'

'Wake him up. He's the one who started all of this.'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

Cry babies.

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

The Baby Walker

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

A midwife holding a baby

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The child is very illogical'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

"I'm bored."

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.