Baby Safety Pillows

'Eddy! Can you check that recall list on the toy website again to see if this swing is included?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Madonna of the Pukes.

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Man using to much bug spray

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

At the rock concert...

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

We tried rocking her to sleep, but she still seems tired and cranky.

Baby on board.

On the brink.

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"