Baby Safety Pillows

'Eddy! Can you check that recall list on the toy website again to see if this swing is included?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Madonna of the Pukes.

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Man using to much bug spray

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Same old same old. How about you?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

At the rock concert...

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'It's okay - he knows how to use the GPS.'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

On the brink.

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

"Did you bring any protection with you?"