Family Safety Pillows

"How do we know it's really grandma? Maybe it's someone who looks like her. It's called phishing."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

Pool attached to child's bed.

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Man using to much bug spray

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

On the brink.

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

Baby on board.

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'