Household Safety Pillows

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"Here's your sweater back."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

'New normal' family life

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

"Did we turn off the stove?"

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

A man opens his curtains to wake up his cats.

"Can you hold on a sec? I need to check on Timmy."

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

"Dad went back in to get the smoke alarm and the receipt."

"I think you should turn the water temperature down a bit. The water melted through the tub and then through the floor."

Little Did She Know