Home Safety Buffs Pillows

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'New normal' family life

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

"Did we turn off the stove?"

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

'My masters have upgraded the security system: There's a ten-digit passcode on the cat-flap now...'

"It's all set. If your husband tries to get into the fridge after 9pm he'll receive an electrical shock

Beware of Dogs

Little Did She Know