Home Safety Expert Pillows

'You'll have to wait until I find my keys.'

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

Mouse security camera.

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'New normal' family life

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

"Did we turn off the stove?"

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

"Dad went back in to get the smoke alarm and the receipt."

Beware of Dogs

"We have so many security cameras, the doormat says 'Say cheese' instead of welcome."

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

"First, locate the pin on your extinguisher..."

'It doesn't get nearly enough sun here, but it sure keeps the kids from sliding down the bannister.'

"I think you should turn the water temperature down a bit. The water melted through the tub and then through the floor."