Home Safety Advisor Pillows

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

'New normal' family life

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

"Can you hold on a sec? I need to check on Timmy."

"Did we turn off the stove?"

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

"I think you should turn the water temperature down a bit. The water melted through the tub and then through the floor."

Beware of Dogs

"First, locate the pin on your extinguisher..."

"We have so many security cameras, the doormat says 'Say cheese' instead of welcome."

Little Did She Know