Home Safety Buff Pillows

"Call it excessive if you like, but none of our guests have ever pinched anything..."

'Good evening sir,I'm doing a survey on home security.'

Beware of Dog. Good boy! Home security pat down.

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

'New normal' family life

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

"Did we turn off the stove?"

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

'Is your house baby-proofed?'