Home Protection Buff Pillows

"We have so many security cameras, the doormat says 'Say cheese' instead of welcome."

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'Hello, security.'

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'New normal' family life

"The Johnsons finally get around to child-proofing their home."

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'Do you have anything that gets rid of unwanted salesmen?'

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"My client is being more than fair. She is willing to let you keep all the shoes and the house."

'Nice to have a door opener.'

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Use the spray!"

"Did we turn off the stove?"

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

While you were out

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'