Home Protection Hero Pillows

'Check you house for termites, Lady?'

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'Caw blimey!'

The household cavalry

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

'Look! It's superwoman...and all her assistants!'

Lazy plumber.

Bob’s Museum

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'

The Fuse

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"I did my 10,000 steps by looking for my reading glasses."

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

"Do you really know what you're doing, or do you Google-search know?"

And so Bob's folks sent him off into the world. But not before running a few last tests, just to be sure he could handle it.

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

"What makes you think I doubt your abilities?"

Cinderella mopping up

"Okay, you two! Clean up the house and do the laundry while I take the kids to school!"

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

Bathroom flooding (man holding tap).

"I'm all set to start the weekend reno project..." "And I'm all set to call 911."

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

I put a feather pillow in the dryer by mistake! The repairman looked at me and said: 'Sorry about your duck!'

'Hello, security.'

"Let me know when the floor is clean enough for me to put my feet on it again."

Man who hits finger and screams for help has his mouth bound up instead of his finger by unsympathetic wife.

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'