Home Hazard Hero Pillows

"It's the first responders wondering when you'll be needing their services this weekend..."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Jack of all trades

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'I found the termites!'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

I did it my way.

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'Caw blimey!'

'I don't think he's so smart. I had to show him three times before he got the hank of it.'

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

'I'm so excited to be remodeling the bathroom'

The household cavalry

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

'Look! It's superwoman...and all her assistants!'

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

Lazy plumber.

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

Bob’s Museum

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

"I did my 10,000 steps by looking for my reading glasses."

The Fuse

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'