Home Hazard Hero Pillows

"It's the first responders wondering when you'll be needing their services this weekend..."

Jack of all trades

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'I found the termites!'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

I did it my way.

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I don't think he's so smart. I had to show him three times before he got the hank of it.'

'Caw blimey!'

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

The household cavalry

'I'm so excited to be remodeling the bathroom'

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

'Look! It's superwoman...and all her assistants!'

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

Lazy plumber.

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

Bob’s Museum

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

The Fuse

'I planned to go to work, cancel my appointments, kick back and just relax...then I remembered I'm retired.'