Home Safety Nerd Pillows

The Perils of Hanging out the Washing

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

'Your father installed a security system.'

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

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Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"I just installed a home security monitor."

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

"My dad put in a new security system."

Smile you're on camera! You're also on my podcast!

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

'New normal' family life

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'Nice to have a door opener.'

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'