Home Safety Nerd Gifts

The Perils of Hanging out the Washing

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

'Your father installed a security system.'

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

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"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"I just installed a home security monitor."

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"My dad put in a new security system."

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

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'New normal' family life

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

'Nice to have a door opener.'

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."