Home Safety Guru Gifts

If you value your life, install a smoke detector on every floor!

'It's so reassuring to know that our sprinkler system is on the ball.'

'My husband has a morbid fear of asteroids.'

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

"Maybe you're Daddy, maybe you're not. Either way, I'm going to need to see some I.D."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"I just installed a home security monitor."

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

'New normal' family life

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

"We really need to have our rugs vacuumed professionally one of these days."

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

"Did we turn off the stove?"

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."