Home Safety Enthusiasts Gifts

'Be careful running through the house. Mom installed speed bumps!'

'What do you mean we can't have custody of the children?'

'They say most accidents happen in your home.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

'Your father installed a security system.'

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

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Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

'New normal' family life

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

"My dad put in a new security system."

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'Nice to have a door opener.'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

Beware the Dog

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

"Did we turn off the stove?"

'He's always on the heightened alert!'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

'I'm taking a poll. Do you feel safe in your own home?'

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"