Home Safety Guru T-Shirts

If you value your life, install a smoke detector on every floor!

'It's so reassuring to know that our sprinkler system is on the ball.'

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"I just installed a home security monitor."

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

'New normal' family life

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"Did we turn off the stove?"

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

"We really need to have our rugs vacuumed professionally one of these days."

'It doesn't get nearly enough sun here, but it sure keeps the kids from sliding down the bannister.'

"We have so many security cameras, the doormat says 'Say cheese' instead of welcome."

"I think you should turn the water temperature down a bit. The water melted through the tub and then through the floor."

"Whoa! That's a lot of flame, Beth. I'll pick up a fire extinguisher on my way back from the gym."

"Dad went back in to get the smoke alarm and the receipt."