Home Safety Expert T-Shirts

'You'll have to wait until I find my keys.'

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

Mouse security camera.

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

'New normal' family life

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

"Did we turn off the stove?"

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

"I think you should turn the water temperature down a bit. The water melted through the tub and then through the floor."

"Dad went back in to get the smoke alarm and the receipt."

"First, locate the pin on your extinguisher..."

"We have so many security cameras, the doormat says 'Say cheese' instead of welcome."

Beware of Dogs

Little Did She Know