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'George, this new home security system you bought...how much did it cost?'

"This is a fine time to remember you forgot to pay our homeowner's insurance!"

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

The blow dryer needed more testing.

"We're from the Department of Homeland Security. You left your damn door unlocked."

You Left The Gas On...

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'

A case of runaway forklift Doctor. Do we offer him any compensation?

First Aid Box

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

"...And now step 2 disconnect power before plugging in..."

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'New normal' family life

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"And WHATEVER you do DON'T FALL DOWN THE STEPS or put your finger in the ELECTRICITY socket."

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

'It's an old work injury.'

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

"Did we turn off the stove?"