Home Security Advocate T-Shirts

"The client wants a real homey ad campaign. How about a mom eating apple pie watching baseball during a home invasion!"

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

Mouse security camera.

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

Adopt your wireless home security system today!

'Your father installed a security system.'

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"I just installed a home security monitor."

"My dad put in a new security system."

Beware of the dog.

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'Nice to have a door opener.'

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

Beware the Dog

"Look what I bought from Ralphie...a surveillance camera! It keeps watch over your valuables."

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

'He's always on the heightened alert!'

'I'm taking a poll. Do you feel safe in your own home?'

'My masters have upgraded the security system: There's a ten-digit passcode on the cat-flap now...'

"It's all set. If your husband tries to get into the fridge after 9pm he'll receive an electrical shock

'It doesn't get nearly enough sun here, but it sure keeps the kids from sliding down the bannister.'

"I think you should turn the water temperature down a bit. The water melted through the tub and then through the floor."

Bathroom privacy options: A guide.