Home Security Specialist T-Shirts

Mouse security camera.

'Morning, ma'am. I'm here to install your security system.'

"Beware of everything."

F and E Real Estate. Animal buyers are very demanding. The bears want a home with a first-rate security system. They were rattled by that Goldilocks break-in. And having lights that automatically turn on and off in every room is a top priority for the sloths. This house needs some work before the sale is finalized. The mice buying it want holes punched in the walls. And this house is solid with a roof that doesn't leak and a basement that stays dry. So I promised the duck buyers we'd fix

A Surprise for the Cat Burglar

'But sir! That's the best granite, no burglar could get through that.'

'They're not home. Leave your card and I'll make sure they get it.'

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

No Soliciting

"I see you've security marked your property."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

AI Safety Officer

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

"I forgot to turn on the alarm." "It's all right, Peedy is there."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

"Your call may be monitored by the CIA, NSA, Russians, Chinese, space aliens..."

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Nice job with the petunias, Skip. They're a perfect complement to the trip wires."

Adopt your wireless home security system today!

'I can't understand how those burglars could clean out our house so quietly.'

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

The bulb family leaves for vacation

'Your father installed a security system.'