Home Safety Advocate Gifts

'George, this new home security system you bought...how much did it cost?'

"This is a fine time to remember you forgot to pay our homeowner's insurance!"

"Now I remember what I wanted to tell you. The safety stop on the garage door doesn't work anymore."

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

The blow dryer needed more testing.

"We're from the Department of Homeland Security. You left your damn door unlocked."

You shouldn't be embarrassed

You Left The Gas On...

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'

A case of runaway forklift Doctor. Do we offer him any compensation?

First Aid Box

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

"...And now step 2 disconnect power before plugging in..."

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

'New normal' family life

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"Did we turn off the stove?"

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"