Toy Safety Pillows

'Whoops - looks like another recall...'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

Toys in the DVD Player.

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

Teddy bear being taken to hospital.

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

'Eddy! Can you check that recall list on the toy website again to see if this swing is included?'

Kangaroo: Baby on Board

'None of the other things had instructions.'

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

Playing in the park....child on a leash.

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

Mobile phone damage to children.

Doll line: Quality Control - Too Creepy.

'She won't go anywhere without her Teddy Bear...'

"The Johnsons finally get around to child-proofing their home."

'He swallowed a warning label!'

'Too steep, eh Earl?'

Toy repair.

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

Code Red!

"Why are you playing hide-and-seek in the stove!?! Don't shush me! This is my stove!"

Health and Safety Gone Mad - "It doesn't look safe, his face is totally exposed to danger."