Child Safety Guru Pillows

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

A young Don King

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

"I see you've security marked your property."

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"Don't forget to put some sunscreen on your tongue."

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

AI Safety Officer

'Oops! Sorry! I should've said, 'buckle your seat belts'!'

'According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything.'

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

"The sky looks blue because your protective lenses are tinted, dear."

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Job Safety - Hardhat.

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

The Hive, Inc. Think safety! 17 days without a honey boo-boo.

Atlas carrying Earth about to slip on banana peel.

Kangaroo: Baby on Board

Nice park. . .

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

Beware of Everything

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

Safest Airline in The World

Mobile phone damage to children.