Child Safety Guru Gifts

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

A young Don King

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

"I see you've security marked your property."

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"Don't forget to put some sunscreen on your tongue."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

AI Safety Officer

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

'Oops! Sorry! I should've said, 'buckle your seat belts'!'

'According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything.'

"The sky looks blue because your protective lenses are tinted, dear."

Job Safety - Hardhat.

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Nice park. . .

Kangaroo: Baby on Board

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

Atlas carrying Earth about to slip on banana peel.

Beware of Everything

Safest Airline in The World

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

"Aaaughhh! Don't play with that!"

'Fred, didn't I tell you to wear a helmet?'