Safety-first Guru Gifts

Older man swinging out of bathtub on safety grab bars.

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"I see you've security marked your property."

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"Don't forget to put some sunscreen on your tongue."

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

AI Safety Officer

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

'According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything.'

'Oops! Sorry! I should've said, 'buckle your seat belts'!'

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

"The sky looks blue because your protective lenses are tinted, dear."

Job Safety - Hardhat.

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'So, how bad is it? Who can bring me up to speed?'

Nice park. . .

Atlas carrying Earth about to slip on banana peel.

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

Beware of Everything

The Hive, Inc. Think safety! 17 days without a honey boo-boo.

Safest Airline in The World

To prevent geese from flying toward its planes, Jupiter Airlines made some key design changes,

"Aaaughhh! Don't play with that!"

"It's called being preemptive."

'I'm here in case one of the actors actually does break a leg.'

"Fasten your seat belt."

'The new intelligent dummies aren't working out. They've figured out there's a break!'

Crash test dummy employee of the month.

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

The Future of Flight?

'Fred, didn't I tell you to wear a helmet?'