Child Safety Advocate Pillows

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

'Ok, since I'm hopelessly lost, I'll waive the rule against talking to strangers.'

"We really should hire more maintenance staff. The kindergarten teacher just told me that most of her lose parts play has been with bolts, nails and chunks of plaster."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Man using to much bug spray

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

Coronavirus Impact on Children

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

'We never should have bought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious or arbitrary.'

"Getting the hang of it?"

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

"Careful."

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

Reasonableman

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

"I told him not to rely on his GPS whe out running!"

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

The Dangers of Not Getting Enough Sleep...

'In my day, we didn't concern ourselves with wimpy notions of workplace ergonomics.'

'Okay, the motorized rocking chair could use an emergency off switch.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

Boozing and Cruising

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

Kangaroo: Baby on Board