School Safety Advocate Pillows

'Is it just me or are the school hall monitors becoming increasingly militarized?'

'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm issuing you semi-automatic weapons...we're being out-gunned by the students.'

Teachers' Lounge: Gun Free Area

"Maybe I could win more budget fights if we had a plan to arm us school administrators."

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

Pool attached to child's bed.

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Man using to much bug spray

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

"Very fine people on both sides."

"Getting the hang of it?"

Reasonableman

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

"Careful."

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"I told him not to rely on his GPS whe out running!"

The Dangers of Not Getting Enough Sleep...

'Okay, the motorized rocking chair could use an emergency off switch.'

Under Capitalism, Expensive Equipment is Always, Unlike People, Innocent Until Proven Guilty

The first 10,000 fans got a concussion bobblehead!

'We don't want to risk having any injuries during spring training.'

Kangaroo: Baby on Board

Educators push back against politically motivated school opening proposals."

"Here comes the super-visor."

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

Man who has hailed a taxi finds the driver is a crash test dummy.

Boozing and Cruising

'Okay - who removed Jessica's sunhat..?'

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'