School Safety Crusader Pillows

"Very fine people on both sides."

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

Educators push back against politically motivated school opening proposals."

"If they can rig emissions tests, why can't they fake crash tests too?"

Is this what they call inherent safety?

'We would deliver if we could cross the street.'

'Knowledge is the ultimate weapon. Next!'

'Here are the safety manuals you wanted'

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

"Okay, I guess....first we had a lockdown drill, then we had an active shooter drill. Following that we had a fire drill. After that we got to meet out security guards. Then we watched a video on avoiding sexual predators...."

"It's redesigned to handle rolling over."

'This is a phone poll! Are you in favor of a ban to drive and use a cell phone at the same time?'

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

Safety last.

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

The Cab of Guilt - "This is your mother, reminding you that if you don't buckle up I will kill myself."

'Not cars. here we're testing oblivious texters walking into walls.'

'What drink would you like with your meal?'

'I'm concerned gentlemen. Very concerned!'

It's the only crossing guard they can afford.

Inspector of schools

Lollipop lady

"I thought we were hosting a group of parents who wanted to complain about critical race theory and sex education. . ."

'Now don't you go worrying about it. It's only communicable to children!'

He takes snitching on car drivers to another level…

'Good morning. I'm Mr Elton. Your teacher-security guard.'

'Obese Children' road sign outside school

'We're going to be doing a water landing! Please put these on immediately!'

'Making all of our district schools more adept at teaching math and science sounds like a good idea. Run it by legal first.'

'I learned something. Don't let anyone copy your homework and your password, too!'

'It's from the Security Council of the PTA!'