School Safety Advocates Pillows

"Okay, I guess....first we had a lockdown drill, then we had an active shooter drill. Following that we had a fire drill. After that we got to meet out security guards. Then we watched a video on avoiding sexual predators...."

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Man using to much bug spray

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

"Very fine people on both sides."

"Getting the hang of it?"

Reasonableman

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"Careful."

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

The Dangers of Not Getting Enough Sleep...

"I told him not to rely on his GPS whe out running!"

'Okay, the motorized rocking chair could use an emergency off switch.'

'We don't want to risk having any injuries during spring training.'

"Here comes the super-visor."

Under Capitalism, Expensive Equipment is Always, Unlike People, Innocent Until Proven Guilty

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

Kangaroo: Baby on Board

'Okay - who removed Jessica's sunhat..?'

The first 10,000 fans got a concussion bobblehead!

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

Boozing and Cruising

Educators push back against politically motivated school opening proposals."

Man who has hailed a taxi finds the driver is a crash test dummy.

'Knowledge is the ultimate weapon. Next!'

Model employee reads 'Best Practice' document ... scruffy slob reads 'Worst Practice', with messy desk and dangerous wires.

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."