School Safety Pillows

'Knowledge is the ultimate weapon. Next!'

"I see Mr. Watkins has got playground duty again."

'Good morning. I'm Mr Elton. Your teacher-security guard.'

It's the only crossing guard they can afford.

'Obese Children' road sign outside school

'Settle down! The bell is a signal for me, not for you.'

"If my son dies in a school shooting and you're not armed, then it's your fault!"

Chair Accident.

Teacher Training School - Dealing with an armed gunman.

"I don't think you'll need your umbrella... They said there's only a 30% chance of rain."

All set for school...

"It's time to review measures to protect our students when they return to classes in the fall."

"When I was young, the only thing they didn't allow at school was gum."

"Tommy Miller's not here, Mrs. Johnson...he thought this was a real fire not a drill, so he went home!"

"You can always tell a newcomer."

Fillmore Junior High installs a mental detector.

"Sine schools in Texas want their teachers to carry guns to school....I kinda like that idea myself."

'Morning Headmaster ... er, I think we may have a knife problem in the school.'

Staff Notice Board - "It says here that small children can choke on peanuts...interesting."

The Anxious School Drop Off

'That was a test of our school's emergency broadcasting system. If this were a real emergency, you would have been asked not to talk to reporters.'

'My job on the school's safety patrol is to frisk the other kids for concealed weapons.'

'I want you to write a hundred times 'I'm not allowed to take knifes to school', got me?'

"That's Kevin, my security-guy."

"And this is what happens when I eat a peanut."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Man using to much bug spray

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.