Student Safety Pillows

"Stupid bullies. I would try to defend myself – but what if I lose? Who would cover my legal expenses?"

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

Man using to much bug spray

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

On the brink.

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Baby on board.

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

'Mind how you cross the ocean.'