Babies And Toddlers Gifts

"I'm going crazy staring at the same four legs."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'I told you it would be useful.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

A midwife holding a baby

Swan Fairy Tales

Pool attached to child's bed.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

Gifts for a cloned baby!

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

The No No No's

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Boy, if you'd just stop roaming around, it would be easier to find you...'

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'