Warmth Worshipper Gifts

Sunbathing in Autumn

"He's so happy it's finally sunny and warm, he's been standing out here like that for hours."

it my imagination or is it getting warmer?"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Marilyn's Rushmore

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

Jennifer Aniston

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

Fitness in church.

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

Thanks to a generous grant from the oil companies, scientists discover the real reason glaciers are melting.

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Man in hell reads a sign declaring his eternal damnation.

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

Church Parking

'It's been a mad house ever since the image of Elvis was seen on the wall after I primed it.'

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

'Know what? I don't feel drafts anymore.'

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

"Snowman 1 to snowman 3... UPS delivery complete... FedEx approaching fast... Amazon not in sight... Over!"

'A group of Jennifer Lopez's fans want us to make her a saint!' 'Really? A halo of J-Lo?'

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

Sermon about 20 minutes

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.