Warmth Worshiper Gifts

"You're better off without. I'm SCHVITZING!"

Sunbathing in Autumn

it my imagination or is it getting warmer?"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Marilyn's Rushmore

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Jennifer Aniston

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

Fitness in church.

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

Ohm sweet Ohm

"He's so happy it's finally sunny and warm, he's been standing out here like that for hours."

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

Thanks to a generous grant from the oil companies, scientists discover the real reason glaciers are melting.

'No, we can never actually see the big cartoonist, but he's everywhere.'

Man in hell reads a sign declaring his eternal damnation.

Church Parking

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'It's been a mad house ever since the image of Elvis was seen on the wall after I primed it.'

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

'Know what? I don't feel drafts anymore.'

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

'A group of Jennifer Lopez's fans want us to make her a saint!' 'Really? A halo of J-Lo?'

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

"Snowman 1 to snowman 3... UPS delivery complete... FedEx approaching fast... Amazon not in sight... Over!"

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

Sermon about 20 minutes