Warmth Worshiper Pillows

"You're better off without. I'm SCHVITZING!"

Sunbathing in Autumn

it my imagination or is it getting warmer?"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Fitness in church.

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

Ohm sweet Ohm

"He's so happy it's finally sunny and warm, he's been standing out here like that for hours."

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

Thanks to a generous grant from the oil companies, scientists discover the real reason glaciers are melting.

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

Church Parking

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

'Know what? I don't feel drafts anymore.'

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

Sermon about 20 minutes

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

"Snowman 1 to snowman 3... UPS delivery complete... FedEx approaching fast... Amazon not in sight... Over!"

'Pastor, 'confirmed' means we only have to attend church on Christmas and Easter, right?'