Weather-wise Worshipper Gifts

"Rain, Your Holiness—may I suggest the plastic papal vestments?"

it my imagination or is it getting warmer?"

Sunbathing in Autumn

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Marilyn's Rushmore

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Jennifer Aniston

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

"He's so happy it's finally sunny and warm, he's been standing out here like that for hours."

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

Man in hell reads a sign declaring his eternal damnation.

'No, we can never actually see the big cartoonist, but he's everywhere.'

Church Parking

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

"Snowman 1 to snowman 3... UPS delivery complete... FedEx approaching fast... Amazon not in sight... Over!"

Sermon about 20 minutes

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

Yonder: Roll Call Every 15 Min.

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

'Pastor, 'confirmed' means we only have to attend church on Christmas and Easter, right?'

'Please make it rain on the garden but not the lawn.'

"ButI thought he was just praying without ceasing."

"I guess I missed more Sundays than I thought."