Visitation Vigilante Pillows

"That's it! Visiting time is over!"

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

"Peter Parker is Spiderman! Clark Kent is Superman!! Bruce Wayne is Batman!"

Guide to Contagious Diseases.

Scarecrows guarding a field

The new global mantra flag for the future

"Hey guys - wrote a new song! It's called 'I suggested Paris.' And a' one, two three..."

Johnson allows the Delta variant to run wild in Britain

About 40% of the nation's coronavirus deaths could have been prevented...

You can relax now.

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Maybe a little inconvenient, but not a single case of the flu in the entire office."

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

'Computer crime seems to be on the rise.'

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

Guns won't help

'Drugs' 'Viruses'.

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I wish I had emotions like people do. I wish I could think as logically as people do. I'd like to take a walk along the shoreline without rusting. Storing energy in a battery rather than a pot belly would be nice. Having a sense of humor would be fun. The ability to selectively delete memories would be great to have. I wish I didn't have to worry about digital viruses. I wish I didn't have to worry about biological viruses.

Ebola Clinic

'Hacking into our system is one way to get my attention.'

'Well doctor, is it serious?'

'I've brought my attorney along to read the small print.'

"I do wish they'd hurry up with that vaccine, so I can get back to worrying about dying of something else."

"When you're done cyberattacking, your PB&J, with crustd cut off, is waiting."

Swine Flu danger as a pandemic

"Not only a great painter but a pioneer in promoting the awareness of self-harming."

Keep out - Covid-19

A footballer is having an eye test.

"Relax, it's not the killer-virus. It's 'Saturday Night Fever' so he'll be 'stayin' alive'."

"This one is for hacking into our enemy's hacks."